you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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