I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
