I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
