Are we in a gay sports bar?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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