Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
