So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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