Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
