I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
