he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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