I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
