All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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