I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
