I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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