And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
