you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
