So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
