I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
