i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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