Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just invented taco cereal.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
