just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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