My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
