Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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