she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
