why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
