We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
