Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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