He asked to "fluff my boner.."
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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