forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
