last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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