Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
