Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
