Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
