btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
