I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
