I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
