youre lurking in front of me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
