My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
