Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
