seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
