ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
