This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
