I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
