my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
