I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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