I bet he comes in French.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
