cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
