We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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