I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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