she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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