I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
