I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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