She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
