I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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