You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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